It seemed as if there was nothing left to talk about.
As all there was to ask was just a few questions.
Isn't there more to say than just "How are you?", "I am okay.", and "Have you eaten?"? This really has to change. Where has my wit and flair gone to in times like these?
For the past week and a half after my surgery, I had been staying at my grandparents' house.
Being there, I managed to see what things have been happening day to day at their house.
My grandfather would either be watching tennis on television, going out for a karaoke session with his friends, playing table-tennis, or just heading downstairs to get stuff.
In contrast to that, my grandmother is home-bound. She never wants to get out of the house. Partly due to health reasons as she finds it difficult to walk and maneuver a lot, but I think what holds her back is past hurts that re-enact in her mind, restricting her to take that step out of the four walls.
Much of the conversations that I had with her, which I wouldn't quite agree that they are conversations, was me hearing about her stories of anger and sadness of her younger days. It's not the first time that I was listening to her tapes of negativity. They have been on replay for years.
We have told her to let them go, and move on. Life has much more happiness to offer than she knows. Perhaps she has been hurt a lot before, but isn't it about time to allow herself to be healed? I don't know if she realises it, or plainly refuses to change. Sigh. Even if she's old and change is difficult, everyone STILL has a choice to change for the better.
What concerned me more was her memory..
On one occasion, she wanted to make me a drink so she asked me if hot water was needed to make it. I said "No", and she nodded in acknowledgement.
But just a while later, she came with the drink that was made with hot water.
She said that I asked for it to be in hot water, but when she realised her mistake she laughed jovially, apologised, and went to make another drink for me.
God, I can see so much love from her and all you are asking from me is to be patient..
One night when I decided to try taking a short stroll to get used to walking again, I invited her to join me, but she shifted the offer to my grandfather instead. I wanted her to experience a change of environment. She has to see the beauty of the world, not by staying confined to what's shown on television, but by experiencing the world herself.
They say it's part and parcel of being old, that people forget things easily.
I just don't want her to forget the great stuff in life and only remember the sorrows.
I still remember that day when I packed up and headed back home. On that day, somehow, in a flash, I felt that we were in a hurry to go home and not much time was spent being together. When I say "together", I mean having great conversations, getting to know each other even better. I have never believed that one can totally know someone else. There is always more to know about someone, more to experience with someone. Even during times of awkwardness, there is always a way to melt the ice. The only way to deal with awkwardness is to be comfortable with it and put in an ounce of effort to make things work out.
In spite of knowing this, was I not bothered enough to at least try even more? How different was this situation from any other?
